Til Jannah

Quite a few days back, I made a realisation: You don't have to change yourself for the sake of someone you love. Someone who truly loves you will accept you the way you are and deal with your nonsense. They'll deal with you and your OCD, they'll deal with your unhealthy habit of collecting stuff, they'll deal with your whininess, they'll deal with your tantrums, they'll deal with your clinginess. They'll deal with you, as you are.

People may argue that there's no harm in changing for the better. Which I agree, heck if someone wants to change for the better, you can bet my prayers will be with them. But I think it's not necessary for you to change "for the better" when "the better" is what someone else wants from you. You change for yourself, because YOU want to be the better person yourself. Not because you want someone else to like you.

From my break ups, one of the reasons given to me was because apparently I've gotten way too clingy. ... For the longest time I tried to prove him wrong, "I'm not clingy! Everybody knows I'm independent. Even my own parents think I'm independent". So I tried, I tried becoming less and less clingy, thinking that'll make me "better".

Recently I've come to terms that, you know what, so WHAT if I AM clingy? I don't see any problem with my "clinginess". I don't act like a psychotic girlfriend, I'm not crazy telling he has to spend all his time with me. I know I am independent, but at the same time I like to manja  with people I love (be it my family, my friends or my boyfriend). These are the people that I am comfortable enough with to let loose with, to rant to, to seek comfort in. If my "manja"-ness is deemed as "clingy", then so be it.

Me: I've come to accept the fact that I am clingy. And I've decided that if someone has a problem with that, they can leave. I'll find someone who's able to tolerate with my clinginess. I mean, I found Zayana!

And I swear, nobody deals with my clinginess like Zayana does. Okay, maybe my mother when I'm home. I still remember me crying in her room before 7AM,

Mummy: Aiyooo.. Jangan lah nangis... I have a meeting later at 9... I need to sleep somemore... Can you do this later?

There's no love like a mother's love ain't it? But anyways, I know all my other friends deal a lot with me too, but they don't live with me. So they don't go through what Zayana has to go through with me.

BUT.

At the same, as clingy as I am, God gave me someone equally as clingy (if not more :p).

Pisang: You know, when he told me he's going away for camp for 3 days, my first thought was "It's okay... I have Aisya.. I'll cling on to her instead".

& She did..

--

Pisang: You know, when I saw my sister's photos in Disneyland, I'm like, "UNTUNGLAHHHHH! IT'S OKAYYYYYYY! I'll drag Aisya to Disneyland and then I'll take pictures like that tooooooooo".

& She did........ (Now the whole world knows why I went to Disneyland :p Can I nominate myself for bestfriend of the year award yet?)

--

Pisang: Aisya... I need human interaction...

*10 minutes later I decided I wanted to go and makan*

Pisang: WAIIITTT! Don't leave meeeeeeee!

& She runs after me..

--

Pisang: See, I've never had a boyfriend that will publicly show their love for me. But you know what, God is fair, He gave me Aisya. See look at her Instagram, "scroll, scroll, oh look! There's me! Scroll again, And there's me again! And look she even hashtagged it forever & love!".

God.. The things we settle for...

So my point is, DO NOT change yourself just because of someone's opinion about you. Most of the time these people don't matter anyways. "People that matters, don't care (about your appearance/annoying quirks etc). People that do (care), don't matter" #whatmymommataughtme. Eventually you'll find someone who's willing to tolerate these little little things about you. May not be in the form of your significant other (yet. InsyAllah one day you'll find the one that will) but there'll be someone.

Pisang: WELLLLLL, I'm sorry mother I do not have a boyfriend who will #love #forever #tilJannah for me!!

Me: ... Sokay! You have me! Come Zayana, we take another photo I post on Instagram with #tilJannah k?

Pisang: .... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Idiot!

You know what they say, you make a girl laugh, she's yours :p

#forever #love #tothemoonandback #thenbackagaintothemoon #clingyterlebih #tilJannah #insyAllah #dahcukup?

Disney Magic

As promised, here's the video for the entire Disney Magic Parade :)

[youtube=http://youtu.be/gGWQeYBgR5Q]

Enjoy the magic!

p/s: There's a part 3 of the trip coming up soon!

Diorelly & Chanela Pt. 4

& we have reached a whole new level of clinginess!

I SWEAR ON MY SHOES that earlier on she told me not to leave her because she watched way too much Criminal Minds in one week..

#clingyandproud #youlovemeasIamoryouleavemealone #pisangandkentang #DiorellyandChanela #AisyaandZayana #love #forever #nakmuntah #bucketplease #pukes

*edited*

So if you guys would like to know, I won our little "disagreement" & I managed to drag her to the kitchen with me. Literally. By her hair ;)

Today we were disagreeing again.

Banana: Now I'm socially awkward and hungry! I want to eaaaaaat

Me: Then let's go to the kitchen! 

Banana: But I shy! 

Me: -____-' Do you want me to drag you to the kitchen by your hair again?!

Banana: *showing that her hair is in a bun, so I can't pull it*  

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Smart!

And then I died on the floor laughing.

Banana: Oh God. This is how I killed her. Great, now I'm awkward, hungry AND I have her dead body in my room. 

"You've Got Nice Thighs"

So I found this list of 15 Things That Make You A Sheffield Student, and I swear, #9 is so on point.



Not to say that I think my legs are amazing or whatever, but I have received compliments about them..

(I'm short. Any compliments for my short legs, I'll take it)

Well.. Now I guess I can thank University of Sheffield's Management School the next time I get compliments about my legs...

Seriously though walking to the Management School is not an easy task. On certain days, I'd reach the School feeling like I'm about to faint. I constantly trick myself mentally whenever I'm going to class.. "You're just going to go out of the valley you live in..." "Well, you're already out of the valley, now you're just gonna walk all the way to Weston Park okay?" "Weston Park is 2/3 of the way to class... But sokay, we'll just walk to Goodwin Gym okay?" "Come on Sya! You've reached Goodwin... Last hill and you'll reach your class! :D"

Sheffield is hilly in general. But what I go through to get to class is a proper work out okay! You get cardio (hence short of breath upon reaching destination) and you get to tone your legs (if I had butt, I'm sure I'd have a toned butt too...).

So if anybody wanna graduate with a degree from a reputable university AND nice legs, Sheffield is the place for you!

Let It Go

"Let it go, let it go, turn away & slam the door"

Letting go. Letting go has never been my strong forte. I don't deal with people leaving me that well. I don't deal with leaving people that well either. I just don't deal with leaving that well, period. I am without a doubt, one of the most easily attached person in my life. I like the comfort I get with the familiarity of things. So when people leave me, or I have to leave, that destroys the familiarity that I am used to. Therefore, I don't deal with it well. 

I had a phase where letting go was just something impossible for me to do. But my parents would always remind me this, "Whatever God has taken away from you, trust in God that God is going to replace it with someone/something much better".

Of course that sounds like the cheesiest line ever, especially when you're so emotionally scarred. But seriously, try it. Just for a brief moment, let yourself believe that something better will come your way, if you'd just let this one go without any hard feelings, without any negativity and put your trust in God. Let yourself see "the better days", and believe in God. God is The Most Loving towards His servants and above all, He loves those that put their trust in Him. Try it, and I can guarantee you that slowly, slowly you'll deal with letting things go better.

At least that happened to me.

--

Sometimes you just know when something isn't right. When something is about to go wrong, you'd feel it. As this continuously repeats itself, that special sensor of yours become stronger and stronger. Eventually you will actually laugh first at the sight of a storm coming while thinking, "I knew it" with a little smirk, in your head because you're right for the 10,000th time. But what you do not realise that as time progress, with every little "I was right" smirk comes also disappointment. With every disappointment, your walls get higher, your guards are more alert. And then suddenly you realise that your walls are so high that you're left confused as to whether your sensor is alerting you of an actual storm coming or you're just afraid of a little whip of fresh air.

But in Him I put my trust in.