Blending In

I go through my life not actually caring about what people think of me. You have your own opinions, & so do I.. You can never expect everybody's opinion to match yours. That's my belief. But, I do however wonder of what or how do people see me, just like out of curiosity you know.. 

"I walk around with my mum's handbags - do they think I am a spoiled unappreciative brat?" 

"I am born with strong facial features which gives me a RBF - do they think I am scary/ a bitch?"

"When I go to a cinema, I bring a blanket (cause I can't locate my favourite grey sweater, plus it's so handy if I want to duduk bersila while wearing a skirt/ a dress) - do they think I am weird?"

Or do they just think that I am just another empty chair?

Magic & Light that He placed in you

"If you've failed bad, been hurt, felt sadness or a pain so great that your nerves ache...but you found in yourself the strength and courage to pick yourself back up, only to find peace once again, then you've found the magic and light that He placed in you when you were created."

Find that magic and let the light shines through.

Tiff

So I have this one handbag that I call it Tiffany (or Tiff) because it's almost like the Tiffany & Co.'s blue.

It is a gorgeous colour but I find it difficult to match it with my outfit most of the time hence why it barely gets out of its dust bag. 

Every time I talk about wanting a (navy/ dark) blue bag, Zayana would remind me "Tiff apa jadi Aisya?" and a huge sense of guilt would hit me. 

See, Tiff was bought solely for me, Tiff isn't one of the "loaned" bags from Mummy. So considering that I do not wear it often, I feel extra bad cause it is not living its life's purpose!

"When was the last time the poor bag saw sunlight?" - Zayana making me feel like a terrible owner. A sad autobiography titled "Aku sebuah handbag" automatically writes itself in my head every time Zayana reminds me of Tiff..

Today Mummy sent me a bunch of handbags pictures.. And not just any colour, but blue handbags..

Me: Don't you already have many blue handbags? I feel like you do

Mummy: I do not have xxx in bright blue. You already took one of the xxx's blue

Me: But you have xxxx in electric blue, that's bright..

Mummy: But I need a small one!

(You see where I get my shopping habits right?)

Me: Well, if you ask for my opinion, I think square > wallet on chain > rectangle in terms of the blue colour. Oh and don't forget about Tiff! She's small and blue

Mummy: You can pass Tiff to me

And just like that, a plot twist wrote itself for the "Aku sebuah handbag" story..

Aku sangka hariku sudah tidak bermakna lagi, tetapi nasibku berubah pada suatu malam. Satu cahaya yang amat terang menyinari hidupku. Aku dapat merasakan Aisya datang hampir kepadaku dan mencapaiku dari dalam wardrobenya. Dari dalam dust bagku, aku dapat merasakan "Inilah waktuku keluar!". Aku teruja sekali apabila aku mendengar Aisya berkata "Tiff, from now on you will be going out with Mummy more often". Akhirnya! Hidupku bermakna semula

Neglect

This not-so-new found freedom I have from my parents really makes me feel like "anak terbiar" sometimes.. 

So earlier today while in office, my colleagues and I talked about booking our flight to Bangkok for the 10019829th time. It finally dawned on me a couple of nights back, that I've yet to tell my parents about this plan I have with my colleagues.. Which explains why I have been hesitant in booking the flight even though the flight was dirt cheap and I had just gotten my salary..

Me: Oh yeahhh! That reminds me, I haven't told my parents yet. Please remind me tonight so we can book tomorrow

AW: Huh? Need to ask for permission meh?

Me: Not really, but the last time I forgot to tell my parents I was going to London, I had an earful about how I could've gotten into a train accident and they wouldn't know I was even on the train and blahblahblah... So never again!

"Parents' blessings are very important.. Tak berkat hidup you kalau Mummy-Daddy tak restu" sampai hari nih I ingat the speech (read: threats) okay! Also that was the start of me missing my London-Sheffield trains 3 times in a row.. NEVER. AGAIN.

So tonight, first thing I did when I saw Mummy: 

Me: Mummy.... *the tone I make when I want something/ I did something and now I need you to not get angry and just agree with what Im gonna say next* I'm going to Bangkok with my colleagues in October. 

Mummy: Okay. Bye!

.....

-_________________-

*speechless*

-------

Updated few hours later:

Mummy: Did you book a flight?
Me: Yes I did
Mummy: Where to?

Seriously mother? -.-

Me: Bangkok
Mummy: With who?
Me: My colleagues, Amanda and Alyssa

two minutes later

Daddy: Aisya.. Are you asleep?

I swear I thought I was gonna get into trouble or at least a lecture or something because she just stopped replying my text guys!

Me: No, but going to. Why?
(Read: No, but please Sir, have mercy on me. It's passed midnight)

Daddy: There's Dilwale on TV now. Mummy's watching it.

...
.....

Shah Rukh Khan > Daughter flying off to a whole different timezone (one hour is still a different timezone!)

#priorities..

Hierarchy

I have been working for about 1.5+ years now and I got a lot of people asking me:

"Do you like your job?"

I can honestly say, I am one of those lucky few people that do not hate their job. 

I don't like love my job per say, and yes I do drag my feet getting ready in the morning but that's more because I'm just tired and not because I dread work.  So I guess, I do sorta-like my job?

This is most probably because I'm very lucky that my job suits my personality type. 

I am the "controlling" type of person and my job allows me to be "controlling" because that's what Project Managers do - control things and ensure things are always under control even when they're not as per plan. (That is a lot of "control" lol)

But I think most importantly is that ever since I started working with EY, I am very very blessed that I have such awesome colleagues.  

What I really like about them is that they are always so helpful - despite their ranks! Hierarchy means nothing in EY and this has been very true since Day 1 (okay lah, Month 1 possibly) I started work - I've had a Partner staying in the room with us til 11PM because we were setting up the War Room.

Today was a lot like that day. 

I had my Managers and Senior Manager cutting, taping and hanging up papers in the War Room. They do not mind having to take off their shoes, rolling up their sleeves just so the Associates do not have to stay back too late. They came in and instead of criticising or bossing us around, they simply asked "What can I do to help?". My Manager actually sat down, summarised and read it out loud to me as I write on the dashboard that reports the status of 19 projects..

This is exactly what I mean by hierarchy doesn't mean a thing in EY - based on this picture, can you even tell what's their rank correctly?

There may be a day where I have a change of heart and decide that maybe consulting/ project management is no longer my cup of tea and leave EY, but these people will surely make it harder to leave.. 

Yesterday, I got an intern to help me out with things at work (because my two managers was this close of "Osom/ Rock-Papers-Scissors"-ing each other to decide which one of them gets to have me with them in a meeting.. lol) and thanks to all of the awesome bosses I had/ have, I am really inspired to teach and guide this new team member rather than just bossing him around.

A leader, that's what my bosses are to me and that's who I aspire to be at work.