Happy Jesus' Birthday Everybody!

Today I read something that made me happy. Today the Wilayah Mufti announced that we Muslims can wish people "Merry Christmas" and just because we do, doesn't mean we acknowledge the fact that Jesus is God's son. 

Alhamdulillah!

Finally! A news about Muslims/ Islam that shows progress - it's about time!!

I have never seen any wrong in wishing people Merry Christmas - it's a day of celebration for Jesus's (i.e. Nabi Isa A.S.) birthday, why can't we wish people for that? We believe in Nabi Isa too! In fact, we believe in him so much that there's an empty tomb next to Muhammad S.A.W.'s tomb specially for him. 

When the news of Muslims can't wish "Merry Christmas" to others came out, I was enraged. I was like "What stupidity is this?! Just because I wish someone 'Happy birthday' it'll shake my iman?!"
-___-

I won't say I am a forward thinking Muslim, because I still do think I'm quite traditional in some sense - but I don't believe in how some religious bodies in Malaysia prefers to put out blanket statement to "curb" the problems rather than educating our people. 

It is in the Quran that Jesus was birthed by Mary - and if they wanna mark December 25th as the day, why not? It was not mentioned in the Quran exactly when Jesus was born. To me, December 25th is nothing more than a symbol, a point of reference used for a celebration of the birth of someone equally as important in Islam as he is in Christianity. Every year we celebrate 12 Rabiul'awal as our beloved Prophet's birthday, why can't we mark 25 December as a day to celebrate someone who's tomb is ready to be placed next to our beloved Prophet? 

It is just a day. And okay, maybe they didn't want people to get confused with the whole Christian thinks Jesus is God's son - then educate according to what was written in the Quran. 

Like about the hotdog and rootbeer issue -_____-

Macam tuh usage of "cider" and "ale" also should be prohibited and marked as haram no? 

Educate people on what makes a ale/cider/ beer/ dog halal or haram. Not just because of its name! 

*rolls eyes til I can see my own brain*

I had this conversation with my dad about the ban on the hotdog and rootbeer name. He thinks its was done to avoid confusion for all those "less educated" who studies/ travel overseas. 

"They'll question, hot dog dekat Malaysia halal, overseas pun halal lah? Rootbeer boleh jer minum, asal beer cannot?" 

Ayam dekat Malaysia also halal but not necessarily in UK! -____-' 

It is about time that Malaysian religious authorities review back their statement/ rulings. In current time where Muslims are put on such a spotlight, we don't want to be appearing as a regressive and restrictive religion that we are not. 

As a child I was always educated that even though I am in church, does not mean I can simply run around and make noise because I wouldn't do such a thing in a mosque. I was thought to respect all religions just like how I'd respect mine. Respect doesn't mean believing in. 

And this wasn't because it's my parents' own teachings to their kids, it is an Islamic teaching or more of a requirement as even our Prophet wont demolish a holy site during wars. 

Therefore I shall end this post on a happy note, wishing all a very Merry Christmas and 2017 to be a more progressive, peaceful and united year for all humankind, especially us Malaysians. 

Faith

I am an avid reader of Proudduck - eventhough my discovery of it was a bit late (back in 2011/2012?). Today, while reading Vivy's latest post, the last paragraph really hit me. 

In my many years of living, alhamdulillah, I don't think I've been tested that severely. That being said, it's only because I view my tests as so small compared to what I see and hear about others' test. I have cousins who are around my age or younger going through things you can't possibly imagine would happen to an average Joe.. So if you ask me, my rejection from my 1st Uni of choice, my troubled relationship, those are very, very, very light compared to what they had/ have to go through. 

But still, that does not mean I do not think that my story is not worthy to tell - afterall it is my blog you are reading

--

I can't remember if I wrote it here, but my first Uni of choice was Liverpool. I already had a classmate (from college) who was going to Liverpool and I thought, "Wonderful! We can apply for the same accommodation", Daddy's favourite team is Liverpool, he can visit me and we can go to the games together and all other things planned out. But when my A-Levels results came out, I missed the grades by 3 points - and with that 3 points, Liverpool slipped out of my hands. In 18 years of living, I can honestly say that this was the biggest blow (then) to me. You see, I was a good student in school, not amazing, but everybody knew I would score. I scored in all my major papers from UPSR up to SPM and I thought I would score A-Levels too. Alas, God brought me back down to Earth and I remember just crying for days because going to UK was a life-long dream.. 

But of course, God listens, and God is the best planner - God sent me to Sheffield. A place that I literally had to do research about and couldn't even begin to imagine how it looked like because I've literally never had any interest in it.. But it turned out to be a place where I left a piece of me and a place that is special to my heart. I cannot look at Tescos now without thinking about my random Tesco trips. I cannot have fried rice now wihtout thinking of Yummy's Fried Rice. As for friends that I was so scared about not being able to make any - well, not only that some of my highschool mates eventually made their way to Sheffield too, but I also made friends there than so happens to live within 5-20 minutes radius from me in KL.. God is the best planner, He listens to your every doa - even the silly ones like "Dear God, please grant me a Malaysian friend so Mummy would be at ease". 

My second greatest test in life (so far) I would say is about my turbulent relationship. Just like my studies, with relationships I have always been the one to leave it unscathed. Not to say that I was completely unfazed by it, but more like the sadness wouldn't have put me in a state of depression. 

After 5 years long of a relationship, when it ended early this year, nobody at work knew about the break up, until I had to gradually "announced" it because people were asking "Aren't you going out with him tonight? It's the weekend!", that kind of thing - and this was about a month afterwards because I was finally able to talk about it. They never knew about my silent cries at work - about how I'd cry alone in the surau while praying and immediately try to wipe it or stop it when someone else walks in to pray, about how I faked "my eyes are itchy" to explain why I'm "yawning a lot to wet my eyes". 

None of my friends (besides Zayana and Zoe) fully know what happened (some even til today perhaps) because all they got from me was "I don't want to talk about it". The most they got was "We broke up - please don't ask me anymore about him".

It took me all the way up to May to finally be done with it and close the book. And even then it literally took my dignity away because at one point I was at the stage of begging for mercy and it was never given and simply taken away from me. I had my mother not knowing what to do with me anymore and had to text Zayana, "Can you please talk to her? Aunty tak tahu nak cakap apa to her anymore". 

So you can imagine the amount of anger/ pain I was carrying with me all the way to Mekah. During my first few days there I remember praying to God telling Him about how hurt I was and begging for my pain to be lifted up. 

And of course, God listens, He protects you.. Remember about my incident with the grapes and the kids in Masjidil Haram? There was more to that story.. After berbuka, while performing Maghrib prayers, the boys actually prayed next to me (with their sister next to them). And for some reason, their innocence just got to me and the next thing I knew tears were falling down my cheeks and suddenly my heart felt light (and touched by the kids' innocence). That very moment, in prayers, I knew - whatever pain, hatred and anger that I felt and was holding on to, it was "lifted up". Weirdly also I remember having this conversation with God, "God, I want children of my own - children who are innocent, who appreciates the smallest kindness that people show them. I want to build a family with someone that You have written for me, and I know I can't find that happiness unless I let go of this pain". 

SubhanAllah and Alhamdulillah, I was able to complete my umrah and returned to Malaysia 10000x happier than when I left. Of course the sadness was there, it is only natural to be sad about something that has been with you for years, but I was no longer depressed. I no longer had the "I don't feel like doing anything" and spend waking moments with a constant pain in my heart. I was able to go places that brought back memories and I was just, content. 

--

God is great. He is the best planner. He listens and He knows just what you need and when you need it. 

I have learned to not put your trust in humans, but instead put your trust in God. Because God can change a human's heart in a beat (whether in your favour or not).. But believe that whatever happens, it is always the best for you.

Sheffield was the best for me because it let me to find another best friend and gave me my degree and a job I very much like. 

The break up was the best for me because it allowed me to feel God's grace, warmth, greatness and so much more!

And I know of course as I age, there will be more tests for me.. (Hopefully God take it easy still on me cause urm as you read, I really was tested lightly.. But God never put you through something He knows you wouldn't be able to handle) but I believe, insyaAllah I will be alright (at least on Earth..). 

Put your faith in no other but Allah S.W.T - and without faith, you'd go crazy. 

Only God Knows

These days, we are too quick to pass judgement on others. 

It is very saddening to see people fighting on some celebrity's Instapage - as if whatever you said made an impact on them. They receive thousands of notifications in a day on their page, very rare would they be able to sit and read your comments. So really, why bother?

People make fuss about someone who choose to open their hijab - while when they were wearing it (due to the fact she doesn't "behave" as how a tudung-wearing Muslimah should), you told her to take it off.. 

People make fuss about someone who can go to Hajj while she just registered for Hajj this year - you accused the managing institution of being biased, you accused of her of bribing them.. 

Why is there so much hate in this world until we are so quick to pass a negative judgement instead of just being positive and be happy for someone? 

If you've walked in their shoes, if you know their trouble, even for your worse enemy, you wouldn't wish the same ill you went through. 

We live in a world of social media, we are quick to judge what we see on social media - which mostly 9/10 times we post happy things. Nobody is going to post pictures of their puffy eyes after crying all night, nobody is gonna tell a story about silently crying during a meeting after receiving a heartbreaking news, nobody is going to be posting pictures of them pouring their heart out to God while in their prayers asking for God's help to ease their burden.. 

You see only good things and yet you want to condemn them not even knowing 1/10th of the real story. 

I as a person am very "judgemental" - Because I like clarity so much, I try to make everything black and white. I really hate grey areas.. But, everyday I too have to step back and tell myself "Aisya, don't be too quick to pass judgement, you only know as much as the projected truth that was put on them. The real truth you won't know unless you walk in their shoes".

I cannot look at people performing Umrah/ Hajj and post pictures about it and say "They're just showing off".. You take a picture of what you eat in a day, why can't you take picture of God's house?

I cannot read about a wife ranting on and on about her cheating husband and say "No wonder he cheated, she airs her dirty laundry to the world.. Serves her right!".. Eh hello, you have not been in their shoes, you don't bear her pain, you don't know her thought process.. Maybe she just needed an outlet. 

What goes on in a person's mind/ heart, their intentions, their niat, that's only between the person and God - hence why the term "Only God knows". Just because we are given a brain to think and we thought of why a person might do this and this, does not mean it's true. 

Let's just stop passing and judgement & let's just spread happiness. 

When you see someone taking off their tudung - of course you can't go "ALHAMDULILLAH", but the bare minimum is you should just pray for that person to find strength in at least maintaining her 5 daily prayers and abstinence from all the haram things.. Maybe one day they'll find the strength to put the tudung back one - because I know, this is not easy. 

When you see someone posting pictures in Mekah/ Madinah or of places they just travelled to - just say "Alhamdulillah, their rezeki. InsyAllah one day my rezeki will come and I can go there to". 

When you see people posting pictures while performing umrah & hajj - instead of saying "Alaa, showing off. Bukannya baik sangat dia tuh", remember whether they are nice or not out of the other 50/ 48 weeks of the year, God called them there.. And only God knows. 

And if even doing this is too much for you, there is always the option of just exiting the page. Don't look at it - out of sight, out of mind.

Remember,

xx, A. 

The Radiant City - Madinah

It's a little bit overdue, but continuing where I left off.. 

Madinah (12 - 15 Jun)

By the time we left Makkah, I was already slightly sick. There was a day in Makkah where my phlegm was green (apologies for the tmi), but I prayed to God to hilangkan my sickness and it did went away for a full day (over night it turned white guys - with God's power!) and then by the time I was about to leave it started coming back.

On my way to Madinah I slept - what else does Aisya do in a moving vehicle right? Hehe. We stopped for prayers at this mosque (imagine that, here we have rest stops and over there they just have lots of mosques for buses to stop and people would be selling around it) and for the first time, I felt the heat of Saudi Arabian summer. It was unbelievably hot!!!! 40+ degrees all the while I was in Makkah, and it really didn't feel like much (other than it is just so glaring because the mosque is covered with white marble) but the moment you're no longer in Tanah Haram/ "blessed land" - BAM! It hits you. This is all to prove God's power, he can make 40 degrees feel like it's just really sunny but still cool or he can make 40 degrees feel like you're near a burning bonfire.

When we were about to arrive, Daddy woke me up and on our way to the hotel we caught a glimpse of the Prophet's Mosque (Masjid Nabawi) and as usual (it was a very emotional trip guys) - I cried. Not only that the mosque is so grand with all it's beauty but also the thought of knowing who is inside the mosque is - subhanAllah.

Mummy: There, that's the mosque. You cakaplah, "Assalamualaikum Ya Rasulullah, Aisya dah sampai!"

Our beloved Prophet (p.b.u.h), the most selfless, loving, kind (and all the good things you can think about) man ever, there he rest in peace in the mosque - subhanAllah :') Plus I am now in his favourite place ever. Because of his doa, Madinah is blessed as another Tanah Haram and apparently when it's Judgement Day, the people who died in Madinah will be woken up first before anyone else in this world. (Upon knowing this, I changed my doa to die in Madinah instead of Makkah, lol. People ask, "You nak buat apa bangun dulu?" but I'm sure only chosen people gets to die in the two holy cities. I wanna be chosen!)

Anyways, upon reaching the hotel that's when my sickness got worse. I have an allergy towards pollen right (they give super bad sinus - the kind where bau jer and I can feel my veins in my nose towards my brain restricting), and guess what's at the lobby guys?!?!?!

Pretty as they were (Farm thought I hate them - I love flowers okay! I just can't stand them for long w/o anti-histamines and lilies, which are my favourite, are the worse for me), but passing by it to go to the mosque was a challenge every time. I really hope I didn't offend anyone when I cover my nose as I walk thru the lobby.. 

So the entire time in Madinah, I was not in my best health - but still, ask and you shall receive so anytime I feel weak, I will just ask God for physical strength.  

Anyways, since we jamak Zuhur and Asar prayers on the way to Madinah, I didn't manage to perform my Asar prayer in Masjid Nabawi upon arrival. So instead the first time I entered Masjid Nabawi was for break fast and Maghrib - such a lively time for any mosque during Ramadhan, I'm sure. 

This was at the environment at gate number 25. 

Oh and also since came like idk 15 minutes before buka(? - see, there's no Madinah Amazing Race :p), I didn't get to see the umbrellas closing. Mummy said I should go and wait after Subuh for the umbrellas to open and come earlier for Maghrib to see it close. So I thought, okay I will and insyAllah I'll get to see it. 

See, the spirit of Madinah and the spirit of Makkah is very different. In Makkah you're always rushing whereas in Madinah it is very chill (for this reason is why my parents always prefer to go and settle their umrah first in Makkah before coming to Madinah). I didn't have to rush to go to the mosque, in fact dah azan pun and if I'm still in the hotel, insyAllah I'll still get a place in the mosque.

Volunteers will come and greet you and ajak you come to their place for them to give you food for buka puasa, but my parents being the gung-ho parents they are insist on buka-ing in the masjid (tak kira lah Masjid Nabawi or Masjidil Haram), so we (Mummy and I) always had to decline them. But this is what it looks like outside!! Told you, lively! 

When you buka outside you get such elaborate dishes but inside you're only allowed to bring dry food (like bread, kurma, etc.) and no meat (the guard actually asked me when I wanted to enter the mosque for Isyak if I had meat in my bag when I accidentally forgot to take out the bread in my bag that I got during Maghrib). 

Anyways, for my first buka in Madinah, I decided to wear a telekung (because it is most comfortable and don't need to worry about hair terkeluar time sembahyang or anything) but since Mummy wanted to bring me to Raudhah that night, she made sure that I wore all black for Isyak. 

See, Raudhah is this area in the mosque where the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) has said: 

"In between my house and the mosque (original Masjid Nabawi) is one of the garden of paradise/ heaven". 

Can you believe it guys, if you get in there, it's like you got into heaven!!! It is also where the Prophet's (p.b.u.h.) tomb is at, along with his two best friends Abu Bakar and Umar Al-Khattab.

There is a hadis that said if you perform your Umrah and then come visit the Prophet's tomb at Masjid Nabawi, it is as if they've come and visited him while he is still alive. And if you do not visit him, it is as if you've forgotten him (nauzubillah). 

So of course there'd be an amazing race for this (literally). And how the systemised it is they segregate you by countries and the Arabs gets to go in first whereas the Malaysians and Indonesians go in later.

Mother insisted that we go in with the Arabs cause she didn't wanna wait for long.

My attempt of blending in... 

See how much I stood out otherwise amongst the Arabs during Maghrib?

This is what Raudhah looks like:

This is the inner of the Green Dome (only accessible by the males, so I can only take live stream TV pic)

 The Green Dome from the outside.

Right underneath the Green Dome is the Prophet's (p.b.u.h.) grave (along with his two best friends).

And right next to the Prophet's (p.b.u.h.) grave is reserved for Nabi Isa/ a.k.a Jesus. I didn't know this but this blew my mind away! Eventhough Nabi Muhammad's (s.a.w.) grave was nearby Aishah's place, and actually Umar's (r.a) grave was inside Aishah's house, even Aishah wasn't burried next to the Prophet because she gave it up for her father and Umar.. 

Oh Aishah - eventhough I was named after you but I am nothing compared to you. 

She was such a modest lady that when Umar was burried in her house (& the Prophet's of course), she covered her bedroom with curtains and would still jaga her aurat.

From the ladies' side (it is relatively smaller compared to males' side) not to mentioned you're actually not supposed to take pictures, but I sneaked to hehe.

Anyways probably worth mentioning that an experience in Raudhah is very unique. 

As soon as the doors opened people would actually run. Mummy said I should be "faster" so I ran too and while running I thought, "Omg this is so fun!!!!" lol. Dear God, I am sorry if my running displeased you as it is probably not so Muslimah-ish.  

By the time I got inside I was in the second saf to pray solat sunat (after giving my salam to the Prophet p.b.u.h.). but Mummy wanted me to pray at the first saf, so that was a whole new battle - literally. These ladies are no joke man! But alhamdulillah, I managed to perform my Solat Hajat there and then quickly went out to give way to other people. 

When I got back to the hotel, Daddy was already asleep but we woke him up and asked him to buy shawarma & briyani for us hehe. Then I told him my first Raudhah experience and he laughed, because for guys it is very different as they have bigger space. In fact Daddy managed to stay in Raudhah for a good two hours when he went for the second time.. So lucky! Mummy said if I come during off-peak season (right after Haji season), it'll be calmer in Raudhah - so insyaAllah one day I'll get to sit in there longer.

Now on to the other beauty of the mosque: its umbrella!

I like to imagine that these umbrellas were inspired by the angels' wings - they say when Gabriel spread his wings it will be very redup, so I thought that's how the architect got his idea.. 

And another cool thing about this mosque (I swear I am very jakun about Masjid Nabawi, I was amazed with lots of its aspects - both interior and exterior. It is easily my favourite mosque in the entire world) is some of it's dome.. It slideeeeeeeeeeeessssss!!!!!! 

This was my view before Maghrib. 

During this time Mummy already told me that the dome will open later at night and I thought "uuuuu I really wanna see that!!" 

And to my surprise right after I finished Maghrib, it opened and what greet me was the moon (I have really high affinity towards the moon) :') It was so beautiful!!

We also went to Masjid Quba' - the first mosque Nabi Muhammad (s.a.w.) ever built and if you take wudhu' at home and come to this mosque and perform two rakaat of solat, the pahala is equivalent to one umrah.

Not long after it was time to leave Madinah, and on my way to the airport I saw this and thought it's the coolest thing ever!

It's the word "Allah" on Bukit Uhud. I find it much cooler than the "Hollywood" or the "Desa Park City" sign eventhough it's quite small actually. 

Mummy & I at Madinah's Airport, we decided to take a selfie because of the umbrella-like architecture, they really like their angels wings!!

Anyways, post-Umrah reflection and resolution will come afterwards, I have other things to attend to now. 

Thank you for reading guys, hopefully you enjoyed reading about Makkah & Madinah and it opened your heart to visit them. I pray that whoever wishes to visit these two cities will get the opportunity to. 

Assalamualaikum

I am baaaaaaaaaaack! 

I mean, assalamualaikum, teehee x) 

I thought I'd do some post-umrah self reflection/travel tale blog post, with pictures and all.. but then I remembered that I have not transferred them out -.- #scatterbrainAisya

So here's a screenshot picture taken from my Instagram, but I promise I will soon write about it. 

--

So, how's Ramadhan treating y'all?? 

Yesterday I had my first break fast (for this Ramadhan) in Malaysia. It feels weird, dah almost two weeks puasa and baru semalam I get to go to the bazaar. 

Me (on the way back from the airport): Daddy! Let's go to TTDI and go to the bazaar :D

Daddy: You nak apa from there? 

Me: Keropok lekor. And maybe laksa too.. 

I got sick towards the end of the trip (it was 46 degrees Celsius!!!!) and lost my voice - so it is important stuff if I waste my voice to talk to you over the next few days #maybethisishowGodwantsmetojagamywordswhilefasting #butfoodisalwaysimportant

On my first day few hours back, I also go my baju Raya sorted out. #efficientAisya 

Mummy: Show lah Daddy your baju Raya yang you doa dekat Tuhan that it'll still be there in your size by the time you get back from Umrah

Yes, I did pray for my baju Raya of choice will be there by the time I balik...

Zayana (while I was in Mekah): Can you please not waste your doa on such ridiculous thing?! -.-

Me: Hey! Doa is not limited to a certain number okay, so a doa is never wasted. Plus God says, you want something you ask from Him only.

By the time it was buka time, my phone kept buzzing - and I'm like "Siapalah nih tak boleh diam time buka" and it was the work Whatsapp group.. 

Me: "Oh right - it's Thursday night!"

I was so smart to un-mute the group on my way home from the airport.. By the time it hit me that reality is slowly creeping back in 

Me: *Mute Notification - 8 hours*

Let's delay it shall we? Teehee!

Quick Note

As I am typing this, I should actually be getting ready. 

But this is important. 

I will be on my way for my first umrah ever - as such I seek all of your forgiveness for my wrongdoings whether intentionally or not. 

Plus, puasa is coming, so that's double the forgiveness I seek from all of you. 

xx, A

Magic & Light that He placed in you

"If you've failed bad, been hurt, felt sadness or a pain so great that your nerves ache...but you found in yourself the strength and courage to pick yourself back up, only to find peace once again, then you've found the magic and light that He placed in you when you were created."

Find that magic and let the light shines through.