I really don't know where to begin with my Umrah story - but the Ustaz said that when we take pictures of the historical places we should niat that it's as a form of dakwah to show our family & friends (and not as to just be showy) so that they too will have niat to come and perform their Umrah/ Hajj.
So, here goes - Bismillahirahmanirrahim.
Pre-Umrah
My umrah journey probably begun like years back. I think back in 2012/2013 my parents wanted to bring me for Umrah over one of the winter breaks. But they trip got rescheduled quite a number of times and I didn't manage to join them and had to go back to UK as I had exams.
Then sometime again in 2013/2014, my parents went for their umrah with my brother (it's his second time!!!) while again, I had exams in UK.
Zayana: Wow Aisya, your brother been to umrah twice and you've non been even once.. I wonder who's the demon child of the family..
Admittedly, I do think I am the worse child compared to my brother. I may excel at the worldly stuff, but he follows my parents for terawih way more often than I do, he's the one who goes for mengaji classes (I stopped while I was studying in UK and didn't continue back when I got back in 2014) every Sunday.. So, yeah..
Sometime in March while I was going through my break up, my Mother asked me if I wanted to go for umrah. At that time, going to the holiest place on Earth was the most peaceful thought/thing I can look forward to.
Although I've not been myself to Makkah/Madinah but people always talk about how peaceful things are when they're there - they forget their worldly problems and just focus on God.
Sounded like the most perfect breakup getaway for me!
So I said yes immediately after Mummy finished her sentence.
Towards the date of my departure I was supposed to "prepare" myself for the trip - this included learning about umrah, the places there, the to-dos and the not-to-dos.
Slowly, it dawned on me. I am about to perform my first umrah.
Me: Daddy, orang nak pergi umrah nih banyak dugaan is it?
Daddy: You nak pergi Umrah nih ada dua phase, first is the invitation.
When you dah terbukak hati nak pergi umrah/ hajj and you actually secured a place, that is God extending Dia punya invitation to you. Allah dah jemput you. You can terbukak hati to go for umrah/hajj, but if tak dapat "jemputan" tak dapat jugak your slot.
Second is actually getting there.
When you are going there, you are God's guest. This place is a place blessed by God, a special place, so you are God's special guest. To become special, normally there are some challenges lah. God wants to test whether your intention, your niat betul ker. Betulker Aisya wants to go to umrah to worship me? Then of course, Syaitan dari dulu lagi dia dah promise to sesatkan manusia. When you are God's special guest, Syaitan pun will have to up his game lah.. So yeah, normally adalah dugaan dari moment you get the invitation to actually getting there.
And then I realised how stupid I was.
I wanted to go for umrah to run away from my problem, when God extended His invitation to me and all I think about is my problem when He has the power to take them away in a *snap*. All I have to do is make God happy.
"So remember me and I will remember you. Be grateful to Me, and do not deny Me" - Surah Al-Baqarah, ayat 152.
Daddy has also been nagging me to take lots of supplements to strengthen my body.
Daddy: Performing umrah bulan puasa nih banyak challenge dia. I can only talk about the physical ones lah, because individually, everybody has their own challenge. Imagine, sa'ie jer dah 4.9km. So you have to be fit, take your supplements, your medications so you don't fall sick.
Me: Is there anyone who does their first umrah during Ramadhan?
Daddy: I'm sure ada jer. But I don't know anyone. See, buat umrah bulan puasa nih banyak berkat dia. Rasulullah S.A.W said, whoever performs umrah in Ramadhan, the pahala is as great as performing one hajj with Rasulullah himself. Imagine that Aisya, insyAllah we will get to do 4 umrahs during the trip, it's like you've done 4 hajj with Rasulullah!
SubhanAllah!
We were on our way home from work when we had this conversation and I broke into tears immediately. See, I have never considered myself to be a pious person. I have been brought up in a family where religion is important, but I have my phases where I pray 5 times a day, I don't wear the tudung, and I have plenty of other sins besides these two.
It brought me to tears thinking about God's love for me. Here I am, continuously disobeying Him and yet He extended me His invitation to His holy house (Kaabah in Masjidil Haram), to Rasulullah's favourite/ blessed city (Madinah). SubhanAllah.
So going back to my challenge - I realise my challenge was the break up. Countless times it got my to sujud out of the pain of a heartbreak. Countless times I cried looking up with my fist to my chest as if I'm holding my heart asking God to please stop this pain. Even a week before my departure I had the biggest slap delivered to me.
Me: Mummy, can you please pray for my happiness.
Mummy: You're going for umrah, you can pray for yourself to God.
It was very challenging for me, to not wish harm upon others, to not have the niat to go there and ask for bad things. This is a place where there are several places/spots where it is mustajab/"effective" to doa, to top it off it is Ramadhan, where pintu doa sentiasa terbuka and on top of that Rasulullah S.A.W himself has said that doa made at the time before buka/while buka is never refused. I could have wished ill for people but I always remember Mummy saying "niat kena betul". And it was honestly a challenge everyday to keep my niat to go for this trip is to beribadah/worship God and ask for repentance.
Mekah (05 Jun - 12 Jun)
Another challenge for us to get there - the flight got delayed from 3PM to 6PM-ish. This would mean that instead of performing our umrah during the first terawih in Makkah, we would have to perform it before Subuh/ after sahur and if we were to arrive any later we would have to perform the umrah after Subuh.. Not only that, I am one of those people who hates airports and I try to shorten the time required to spend at the airport. If you say I have to be there 2 hours before my flight, I'll be there 2.5 hours before, if I've online checked in, heck I'll be there 2 hours before. So yes, Aisya was not pleased with the delay but God has willed it that we depart/arrive later so Aisya has to sabar.
Like mother like daughter no? :)
We were at the airport since 12.45PM..
Throughout the entire time at the airport I tried to istighfar ("Astaghfirullahalazim") banyak-banyak, quickest way to ask for forgiveness - you know manalah tahu it is my dosa yang sebabkan the delay.. People (read: my mother) thought I was bored.. -___-
Daddy as usual was going around being chatty with people.. At one point I caught him talking with this dude (who is probably around my age) and I overheard them talking about where he studied. My father ladies and gentlemen dengan sedapnya, "Oh my daughter studied in Sheffield".
Mummy (who just came back from somewhere): Where's Daddy?
Me: There.. Over there, talking to people.
Mummy: Talking about what?
Me: Entahlah... But I overheard him talking about me to that guy over there
Mummy: Dia carikan you jodoh is it?
Har. Har. Mother. I'm like, "People, we are going to holy places! Do not joke about these things". And this is not the only time they joked about it! While we were in Makkah (of all places on Earth!), they met a friend over break fast.
Friend (to my mother, when I went to salam her): Is this your daughter?
Mummy: A'ah
Friend: Dah kerja dah?
Mummy: Dah, almost two years dah.
Me (in my head): I know where this is going
Friend: Dah berpunya?
Mummy: Belum
Me (in my head): Here we go....
Friend: Ahh! Anak lelaki I single jugak, mak dia duduk doa lah supaya kahwin cepat. Jom lah!
Mummy: Hahahaha! *points to my dad*
Me (in my head): Thaaaaaaanks Mum....
Friend: Eh betul lah, anak I (either he is 30/ turning 30 idk).. 30 tak kahwin lagi, stress I.
Daddy: Eh, kita dekat Makkah nih, janji dekat Makkah cannot main main!
Me (in my head): Anddddddd I'm outta here. Where's the food?
I don't know whether they signed my fate there and then in Makkah, but these people (I call my parents)... *rolls eyes*. I told you I broke up for you to pray that I stop crying and be happy again, not to bukak agency cari jodoh.
Anyways, after 8 hours flight, ~3-4 hours to clear the immigration, collect luggages, and get to Makkah from Jeddah, we were finally in "Tanah Haram".
One of my colleague, Mel: Can non-Muslims go (to Makkah/ Madinah?)
Me: I don't think so? *Turns the other way to ask another Muslim colleague* Non-Muslim boleh masuk ker Tanah Haram?
Mel: :O We can't go because we're Haram?!
Me: No no no, not you guys yang Haram... The land area is called Tanah Haram
Mel: Why is it called Tanah Haram?
Me: Because it is a blessed land. You can't kill, can't pluck it's grass, can't take it's rocks out of the area and it is haram for anti-Christ/false Prophet/Dajjal to step foot in the area.
That feeling when I stepped out of the bus to first step in a blessed land - I imagined it would be like that time when Elsa stepped on water and everything froze over. Well, this is not a Disney movie this is real life, so I did not realise that my worldly worries were gone as I stepped out of the bus but I was amazed with the buzzing of the city at 3AM.
We were rushed to the hotel to Sahur (Subuh was at 4AM). Right after Sahur we went up to the room, quick refresh and we were off to perform Subuh at Masjidil Haram ("The Mosque"). It felt so surreal!! My first prayer in the holiest mosque on Earth. 1 pahala you earn when you do go anywhere else in the world is equivalent to 100,000 pahala when you do good in The Mosque. I also quickly learned how to perform Solat Jenazah (my first time ever! I told you, I am severely behind in religion) - they perform it after almost all solat fardhu and honestly that's my dream, to die in one of the two blessed cities and to disembahyang jenazahkan in one of the two mosques. Unfortunately the first solat jenazah I did was for kid(s), but oh well at least he/she is going straight to heaven, whereas us performing the prayers belum tentu lagi if we're going up or down..
We did Subuh in the basement so I didn't see the Kaabah yet. After prayers we made our way back up to perform our first umrah (my first ever!) and when I saw the Kaabah for the first time, I cried. I cried for all its glory (SubhanAllah!), I cried because I can't believe I am here witnessing this myself (Alhamdulillah!) and I cried because I feel so humbled with God's love and mercy for my and my family (Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar!).
You gotta forgive how our Grand Mosque is not looking so grand currently due to it's construction, but can you spot the Kaabah? That's the most grand thing in the mosque anyways.
But to be fair our Grand Mosque taklah teruk sangat, see - it is fully marbled okay outside..
(Photo taken on my last day in Makkah before my tawaf wada')
Everytime before buka if I get a glimpse of Kaabah (like in this picture) I feel flutters in my heart. :')
When we see the Kaabah for the first time, we were supposed to say a prayer. And whilst I was saying it, I feel so blessed to be able to do this with two of my parents holding my hands, by my side. Thank you God for my parents and our rezeki :)
As we were doing our tawaf, since it's at the crack of dawn, the sun wasn't fully up yet so it was quite calm with birds chirping and all. And alhamdulillah, it wasn't that full of people that morning (either that or I just didn't realise it) to do tawaf. Of course there's still lots of people but as compared to other mornings (the TV in our room has live feed of the mosque, so we can always see the amount of people performing tawaf), I think it was the least. And that's the beauty of performing tawaf, despite all the calamity caused by the sheer number of people, you look at Kaabah and you forget about it! It is an indescribable feeling, that feeling you get when you look at Kaabah. You feel awed, you feel ashamed, you feel loved, you feel small, you feel cozy inside, you feel safe, you feel humbled, you feel a lot. But it is a nice feeling.
Daddy: Orang yang buat tawaf gets 60 rahmat from Allah S.W.T, orang yang tengok Kaabah gets 20 rahmat and orang yang do solat in Masjidil Haram gets 40 rahmat.
Maybe that's what you feel - God's blessing/rahmat.
After our solat sunat we went to do our sa'ie. My first sa'ie was a chatty sa'ie (compared to my 3rd and last, I was super silent during then cause I was so tired already) asking Mummy about Siti Hajar and etc.
Conclusion after each sa'ie: Only God knows how Hajar can survive doing it back in those days where it was the sun, rocks & sands and not marbled floors with roof over our heads and air-conditioning. She's a superwoman!!
Also do you know how tempting the zamzam water fountain looks like when you're fasting and doing sa'ie?! Dah lah its water is like ice cold fridge water okay! I know because its the water I have for buka - so refreshing!!!!
On top of Marwah (during my first umrah).
In front of Safa (this is during my second umrah).
Once we were done with our tahlul (where you cut at least 3 strands of your hair and pray that the hair will be your witness during Judgement Day and be the light for you) we went back to the "dataran" (where the Kaabah is at) and did our sunat prayers.
#excitedAisyacantkeephereyesopen
This was after my last Umrah (3rd for Mummy & I, 4th for Daddy)
During this trip also I managed to pray right in front of Kaabah and inside the Hijr Ismail (which is considered as a part of Kaabah itself). Feeling: surreal.
Again, it is an unexplainable feeling. You realise how small you are and how great/ supreme God is. You weep lah whatever you want to weep while in your sujud but once you get up I kid you not, there is a "lifted weight" feeling.
This is what I meant by "full of people". Live view (i.e not from the TV :p) post Maghrib and it is this full even after Isyak, up til Subuh and after Subuh. The only time it is "less full" is around Zuhur but after that it gradually increases.
Seriously, dedication subhanAllah!!
We also went for a tour around Makkah.
This is Jabal Rahmah in Arafah.
This was where Adam & Hawa (Eve) was reunited after they were separated for 200 (!!!!!!) years upon being sent on Earth. According to the Ustaz, some scholars says Adam was sent to Sri Lanka/ India - can you imagine walking from there to Saudi?
Arafah is also the place where Rasulullah S.A.W gave his last sermon and as such it's why people who's performing Hajj has to come here on 9 Zulhijjah.
When were kids I remember the story of how Nabi Ibrahim/ Abraham was instructed by God to sacrifice his only son, Ismael.. I still remember the drama in my Ustazah's voice: "Dah lah this guy kahwin for how many years tak dapat anak to a point where his wife allowed him to re-marry to get kids, and his only(!!!) son God asked him to sacrifice... But because of his faith in God, he didn't even ask 'Why?', he just agreed". And then comes the story of how Syaitan/ the Devil came to talk Nabi Ibrahim out of it three times and that's why during Hajj we're supposed to "throw rocks" to signify stoning of the Syaitan/ Devil like how Nabi Ibrahim did.
This structure is the three jamrahs (Jamratul-Ula, Jamratul-Wusta and Jamratul-Aqaba). I always imagined as like just three pillars, but look at that!! A whole complex is built for it.. Wow!
The tents tops are the Hajj accommodations. Mummy got very nostalgic telling me about her "camp" stories. I guess this is the Islamic version of "glamping"? Teehee!
That stone structure is where Nabi Ibrahim/ Abraham was supposed to sacrifice/ slaughter his son Nabi Ismael.
More tents! There were loads of them...
That mountain behind is Jabal (Mountain) Nur. It where Gua Hira - the place Rasulullah first got his wahyu from Allah S.W.T through Jibrail/ Gabriel.
Guys, only God knows how Rasulullah climbed the mountain in those days okay!! It is so tall not to mention steep and lots of rocks and sand!
So here's my standard routine while in Makkah:
Subuh at 4AM
Zuhur at 12ish PM
Asar at 3ish PM
Maghrib at 7.02PM
Isyak & Terawih starts at 9.02PM (they delay the Isyak prayers by half an hour to let people makan).
Between Subuh and Zuhur if we're not performing umrah, it's when we try to catch up on sleep. Between Zuhur and Asar it's either we sleep or we mengaji/ recite the Quran. Between Asar and Maghrib we recite the Quran and buy food for sedaqah/ buka puasa. We have to go to the mosque about 1 hour before Maghrib or the mosque's doors would be closed (I call this the Makkah's Amazing Race - finding an open door and getting inside before it closes). So while waiting for buka, we would mengaji more and just zikir/ doa. After Maghrib is another round of Amazing Race (i.e getting out of the mosque to the hotel, makan and get ready for Isyak & Terawih).
God bless this Customer Relations Manager of the hotel we were staying at - his name is Islam. He reserved us a table each day for buka puasa so we wouldn't have to wait! One day while break fasting I shared my grapes with these kids that were sitting next to me (their parents was no where in sight). The look on the kid's face was so cute!!!! Kids in ihram are the cutest thing btw! Anyways, yeah after terawih that night, I came back to the hotel and Islam has given us a fruit basket (because he had to release our table during buka cause we were late so we had to wait) and inside the basket was MORE grapes!!
See, you always hear the story of if you give 1 and God will give you back 10 (as in pahala) right?
In Makkah, you actually see it and that truly humbles you, subhanAllah!
Soon it was time to go to Madinah and we had to perform Tawaf Wada' (tawaf bye-see-you-later as I call it). By this time I had one more wish - which is to see and kiss the Hajarul Aswad. God bless my parents for making my wish come true man. It is not easy to get in - given the amount of people as you can see... but I swear, even though the stones are small fractions of the original one, when you actually see it!! The feeling subhanAllah (I know I use this a lot in this post, but that's how I feel during this entire trip! It's truly an eye opener of God's supremacy)!! Can you imagine, something from Heaven, sent down to Earth and you get to see it in person!?!?! :O :O You can put me in a room of diamonds with SRK in the middle of it all and I don't think it'll be able to match the feeling of seeing the stone.
After completing my tawaf, I cried again.. Because I have to say goodbye (for now) to that feeling I get when I just look at Kaabah. You have Zamzam Tower (pictured below) and all its grandeur and then you have Kaabah, something that in height pales in comparison but you will never get the same awe you get looking at Kaabah when you look at Zamzam Tower.
See this looks super grand and I'm sure you get awed by the view yeah? Hold that feeling. InsyAllah you too will have the chance to go to Makkah and see the Kaabah live and I am sure even this view can't beat the view of Kaabah.
It is almost 5AM and again I've not slept (jet lag is real!!) so I shall continue the Madinah portion (my favourite city ever!) tomorrow night.
