Dear my 2016-self,
I'm writing to you from a year ahead, and let me tell you - you will be just fine.
Right now things might be a bit restless, you might think that you need to do this, have that figured out and settle those other things. Let me tell you, you don't. A year later and you still haven't quite figured much out, but you'll be okay. In fact, you now feel much lighter when you don't always need to plan a few steps ahead.
Don't force a square peg into a round hole. Things will fall into place when it's the right time. "Not upon you (Muhammad) is (the responsibility for) their guidance, Allah guides whom he wills" - Al-Baqarah [2:272]. You reap what you sew and sometimes the fruit takes a little longer to grow. Believe.
Believe in Allah's will. He indeed is the best planner. "But perhaps you hate a thing that's good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not" - Al-Baqarah [2:216]. You've always been a little bit slow in life, so it's okay if you need some time to figure things out - don't beat yourself up about it.
In 6 months time you'll be making a trip that is the best trip in your 23 years of living. Know that whatever happens in between is only to prepare you for this trip, to cleanse your heart, to make you surrender because you know you haven't been doing that. You will make a promise that you'll try to always forgive and watch your words more - try to keep that promise, 6 months later you're still struggling but you'll have better control. Baby steps.
Forgive - some days you'll feel like some people don't deserve your forgiveness, and I'm not gonna tell you to forgive them anyways, because you are stubborn and you do live your life how you want to. But all I'm gonna say is that you are no matter what a big hearted girl who will eventually find it in you to forgive them and let it go.
Your anger in 2016 will reach a whole new level, but the workouts will sorta help. But mostly, when you've gone through all of the above, you'll learn how to let go of your anger. Anger is like a coal, you'll only burn yourself holding on to it.
For the first few months you'd be struggling to assume the best of people, to believe in people. You'd think life is unfair, like I said, wait. By mid-year, your year will turnaround. It may be temporarily (who knows) but as of now I can tell you that you are perfectly okay! All those things that bothers you may still bother you, but you'll have control on how you react to them.
You'll want to hurt people, wish the worst for them when you're hurt. But eventually you'll learn that the best thing to pray for when you're hurt is protection. Protection from people with ill-intentions towards you, your family and your loved ones. At one point your favourite doa will be "Ya Allah, I seek shelter from worries that saddens me, thoughts that make me restless, information that bothers me and people that intend bad for me", remember to use it when things are bothering you! Most of the time it is worse in your head than it actually is.
Even if they're hurting you, make doa for them - make doa that Allah opens their eyes/ heart to stop hurting you, and to never hurt anyone else like how they hurt you. When you truly love someone, make doa for them too. Allah is the best listener, the Creator, the Almighty - you may be powerless to help them, but if there's anyone who can do absolutely anything, it is Allah. Put others before you in your doa - one doa you make for a person, an angel will make the same doa to God for you.
2016 will be a trying year for you, but I assure you, it is all worth it. Sabar, believe and hold your head up high. The storm will pass and you will look back at 2016 as a year that will shape you, you will (re)discover a few sides of you that you (forgot) never knew was there. 2016 will be your bootcamp (professionally, spiritually and emotionally), and in some areas you may excel than another but just like how you survived your workouts (even with some breaks/ Ventolin at times), you will be just fine :)
