A lot of people have been asking me "Why are you so skinny?!", and I do mean A LOT. Basically almost everyone I meet says the same thing the first time they see me and I really, really wish they'd stop asking. I am going to address this issue once and for all and then if anyone else asks me I'm just gonna revert back to my standard answer of "I don't know lah, maybe because a lot of people keep saying I'm so skinny now that it has become more like a doa/prayer for me instead of a question".
Ladies and gentlemen, this is why I am so skinny now, this is how my standard meal looks like:
"How on Earth is that even a meal?!"
"You've shamed me, it's like I thought you nothing! -.-"
".... I disown your skinny ass. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
Those were all the comments I got when people saw my "lunch".
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"This is not chicken sausageS. This is chicken sausage cut into half -.- Now, what do I eat after this.... Hrmmmmmmmmmmmm"
Hehehe chillax people! That was my pre-lunch meal. I was at Plan B and I knew I wanted the Butterscotch milkshake and normally I'd have their soft-shell crab pasta but since I'm having a milkshake, a creamy pasta would just make me feel nausea and I won't end up finishing any of it. So I decided to have that and then got myself some good loving Prosperity Burger from McDonalds, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaap (^.^)
Okay, jokes aside back to the serious question.
Why am I so skinny? Do I still eat?
Yes, I DO eat okay people! You all can see my Instagram posts at the sidebar, I have good, nice meals. However I admit, I don't eat a standard 3 meals a day.
How often do I eat?
I make sure I at least have one proper meal a day (this is when I'm at the peak of my sadness), but if I'm feeling relatively okay I have about 2 meals and a few round of snacks a day.
WHY am I not eating properly?
The million dollar question. Simple (as I said up there), because I am currently upset. I won't use the word depressed because that is an actual disease and it should not be used so lightly.
I don't know about some of you guys *cough Cik Pisang cough* but I do know some people do share my feeling (the whole I'm upset so I don't really have an appetite thing), so I don't think I'm abnormal or unreasonable. These things DO happen.
So there, now you know. I refuse to tell people this in proper conversation because I want to save the awkward silence that will follow. Can you imagine me telling that to my relatives or my friends' parents? #awkwardturtle. So hence why I have a standard no-answer answer. In no means do I mean to offend you with my no-answer answer or I was trying to be sarcastic, sorry guys if you feel that way!
Now that you guys know, please don't think I aspect sympathy or anything, that's the last thing I want to see, the look of sadness in people's eyes when they see me. I cry okay every time someone look at me like that and then say what I know they're thinking "You're not living anymore Aisya..". So please, no sympathy looks. I seriously can just cry anywhere (one day maybe I should compile a list of places I've cried at before, that might be a laugh) and I'm sure you won't want that to happen when you're out in public with me :p
I am okay guys. Yes I am upset, but I am okay. I have people constantly worrying about my well-being, I have people taking care of me when I'm unable to take care of myself (hence the contract with Cik Pisang), I am fine. Just a little bit upset, I will heal in time.. InsyAllah.
Also for those who truly cares, you guys can take comfort in knowing that I am not underweight. The last I checked my weight was 43kg, and my height is about 153cm. Calculate that and you'll see that my BMI is about 18.8. That's in the normal weight range.
In no way am I anorexic and I really do feel people should not ever joke about this. I do not starve myself. If my stomach is grumbling, I will open the fridge and find something to eat. I don't ever and will never support the notion of not eating to become skinny. I love my food, I never say no to when people ask me out to go makan, hect I'll drink hot tea if I have to just so I can eat my favourite char kuey teow after having a portion of banana leaf 30 minutes ago.. I just sometimes do not have an appetite. So girls (and maybe guys), please do not starve yourself okay, if your tummy is grumbling loudly, sampai even your friends can hear it, please, go and have something to eat. You sure as hell won't be happy when you no longer fit into your jeans and you have to spend a lot on altering all your clothes..
It was also never my aim to become my size right now, seriously guys, it is so menyusahkan when you don't fit into your clothes! I have my minimum weight mark (42kg; I've never been any lower since I was 17) where if I hit it, I know I will have to force feed myself to get my weight back up. So people stop telling me to stop losing weight, I really do try not to! I do not like it when people point out the way I look now. In no way do I feel flattered because I didn't work my ass off in the gym to get to this size and therefore getting to my size is not an achievement. If you guys are telling me you're jealous of how I look, I don't get flattered. I get sad, because all I think about is "So... You wanna be so emotionally upset to a point that it physically shows..?" and honestly I would never wish that upon anyone.
I appreciate your concerns and I do love you people for caring. But please, stop asking or pointing it out. Because every time someone does ask me about it, the first thought that goes in my head is "Well, I've been moping" and I'll be reminded of everything I try everyday to forget about. And again, the sympathy looks. It makes me sad!
K: Ayong tak nak makan ker? Dah dah lah tuh makan hati (sulking)..M: Kita dah makan "hati" (liver) dah makan lah tuh :pK: Ohhh dah makan hati eh.. Okay esok Kokoy masakkan hati (liver) Ayong makan k?(I NEVER eat liver guys)--K: YAY! Ayong dah start makan, dah tak makan hati (sulking) dah!M: Kita memang tak makan hati (liver) pun.. Kookie, nih lauk apa?K: Hati (liver) masak kicap.. Nak?M: ... Tak pe lah. Kookie enjoy lah pulak makan hati eh..
